"Natural mother" was the industry standard until the late 70s and into the 80s. There are reasons why the "birth" prefix is used today. It emotionally distances us from our children and them from us. That aids the agenda of the adoption industry which pulls in over $1.5 BILLION every year.
If one must distinguish, saying "exiled mother" is accurate and preferable to any other. "Mother," of course is the MOST accurate because women who give birth are mothers. If anyone needs a qualifier, it is the adoptive mother.
Please don't aid and abet the adoption industry agenda. It's really frightening how these people are trying to redefine reality.
Reality based terms are always the right ones.
Mothers are mothers. People who adopt are "adoptive." When people object to the "natural mother" term, exiled mother works.
I don't know the mothers to whom you are referring who feel uncomfortable with the use of "natural mother," but the many, many mothers of adoption loss who I know are adamant about not being referred to as walking uteruses. We are not breeders. The "birth mother" term must be dispensed with. It is highly offensive, inaccurate, oppressive and down-right wrong.
The reason I wrote is because you said you didn't want to be part of the problem. Word injure and hurt. They are often times weapons used against the disenfranchised. Those living on the margins which is where the industry has banished exiled mothers to! We are now fighting for our voice and our rights. One of those rights, which was taken from us, along with our babies (i.e., our MOTHERhood), is labeling. Back during the Baby Scoop Era we were referring to (i.e., labeled) as "unwed mothers." Today the industry has decided to change the labeling to "birth mother." This started with Pearl S. Buck in 1955 and then again in 1956. Marietta Spencer then took the reins of that term and ran with it. It was NOT coined by an exiled mother, as CUB claims. Buck adopted. Spencer was an adoption social worker. They apparently knew each other.
You may use any of my explanations in your blog if you'd like. I have the research to prove them.
Thank you!
BEST,
KarenWB
From Alice again. I have not found anyone who wants to use "exiled mother." Is there a term that can be used to unify everyone, such as "woman who gave me life" or WWGML? Probably not, but there are so many factions with strong ideas that the entire system is fractured. I am not implying that any of them are wrong! We need unifying terminology for those trying to understand "what is broken" and "what needs to be fixed"
with the adoption system. Motherhood Silenced: The Experiences of Natural Mothers on Adoption Reunion Until next time,
Alice
